Thats right, I am out to conquer the fat.  I am afraid to weigh in I think I may have boomeranged to 268.  If I learned anything from my several successful efforts to kick the smoking habbit, it is to always keep coming back to the behavior that you are seeking.  I have had a very successful week from a calorie consumption perspective, and I had an even better night of softball last night where I went 4 for 5, with 2 RBI, and 2 runs scored, and I turned a double play at second base.  I am sure that thin will feel even better. 

I am heading out for a week at the beach so I won’t be blogging again until next weekend.

I will be sticking to my restricitions while I am away, or should i say lifestyle?

Cheers!

Sadly that is the case this week.  As previously noted here, John finally found himself a great job even in this economy.  My wife is unemployed, but collecting disability, because the week after she was laid off after 30 years with the same company, she dislocated her hip, and had to have major surgery to replace some of the worn-out parts.  This week, Qwest Communications, which employs yours truly, had a major lay off, including one manager and several of my peers.  I have been informed that in addition to Call Center I am now the expert on selling hosting as well.  I am very grateful that I have my job, but Hosting is an entirely new field for me.  I am familiar with it, and I will train myself to be an expert, but frankly, I am already very busy.  It is good to be needed.

Will someone please pass the jelly donuts?

John is taking a break from the Blog this week so there is no updated chart on our progress.  His first week at a new job so we all know how stressful that can be.

We have the last regular season softball game of the Winter League tonight.  I have 5 regular players on the disabled list:

1. Plantar Faciatis

2.  Broken Finger (game injury)

3.  Recovering from unknown minor surgery

4. Laparoscopic surgery for bleeding ulcer.

5. Recovering from Pneumonia

The most difficult part of managing senior softball is finding enough players each week who can, and want to play.  As you can tell from the numbers, I have to carry 16  guys on the team to be sure I have 10 who can play.  The list above does not include a torn bicep tendon, and torn achillies tendon, and broken thumb.

Every Monday I recommit myself to this process, I will be fit by this time next year.

Well, now that John has found work, and my wife is well on the way to recovering from major surgery, maybe I can focus on my favorite subject…me.

I have posted quite consistenly that I have been unable to find my diet “groove”.  I have known that it is stress related, and yet I have attempted each day to  get control of my eating.  I am enjoying my workouts, which I do almost daily, but controlling the calories has been a total failure other than the first week or so of this blog.

John even asked me if we should continue the blog, now that “horrors!” he will have to go to work each and every day.  I said “yes” because the conditions have not changed.  We are still friends, and we are still fat.  Hear me John-boy, I am here for you, we will keep doing this blog until we can no longer be mistaken for John Candy, and Chris Farley on our way to a donut convention.

My wife has asked me to accompany her to Weight Watchers and I have agreed.  She is a joiner.  She loves to join groups, I don’t.  I do want to support her in her goals and objectives and I know that she wants to help me so it seems to have a nice synchronicity.  I will let you know how the first meeting goes.  I hope I don’t go postal with a bag of bearclaws!

Time to suck it up or go the other direction & eat ourselves into oblivion. Any fans with a couple of cheap piano crates?

Yeah, we both ate way too well on Saturday night, I don’t have to weigh myself, I know that I am not keeping up my end of the deal.

We need to get past this John, no more playing around with the diet, we need to take this seriously, as though our lives depended on loosing that last 97 pounds.

We can do it!

The weekend didn’t turn out as I planned.  Actually, I didn’t really plan, weekends happen.  Friday night it was the Himalayan Grill in Sunset Beach, CA.  I had the Lamb Saag, wonderful.  Even though this is a new restaurant it was excellent.  Great food, attentive service and nearby.  Geographically desirable restaurants are my favorite.

Saturday night was double date night for TwoFatFriends.  We took the wives for Thai food.  My favorite Thai restaurant is Star of Siam in Long Beach, CA.  Stan’s wife Alice likes to call it Stan of Siam.  She is very fond of Stan.  S of S has the best chicken coconut milk soup & Nura Kem (salty dried beef) I have ever eaten.

Sunday’s lunch was at the new Vietnamese restaurant on Main St. in Seal Beach, CA.  Pho Basil Leaf is becoming one of our favorites.  My daughter had Vegetarian Imperial rolls, served with lettuce & mint.  I had Beef Pho, a delicious soup type dish.

Now to Monday’s weigh in.  I must me retaining water or eating too much.  No change this week.  I am sorry to let my loyal readers down.  Well, at least I am eating healthy.  My injured leg is feeling so much better, I took our fat dog for a walk.  The trick will be to do that every day.

Eat less, exercise more.  The mantra of TwoFatFriends.

Neal: “Del.”

Del: “Hmmm.”

Neal: “Why did you kiss my ear? “

Del: “Why are you holding my hand?”

Neal: “Where’s your other hand?”

Del: “Between two pillows.”

Neal: “Those aren’t pillows!”

Both: “AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! (much shivering and grimacing by both)”

Neal: “See that Bears game last week?”

Del: “Yeah, helluva a game, helluva game. Bears gotta great team this year.”

Motivation is a very funny thing, or maybe it is just that I am a strangely wired human.  John says to me “hey we need to loose weight, lets do a public humiliation blog that will help us”.  I think to myself “screw him and his stupid idea”.  I proceed to do just what I want, I lost a little to start, I started exercising again, but really buckle down?  No way Jose.

So today I did a presentation at work for a group of distributors, and it went pretty well.  On the way to the elevators one of the distributors says to me “thanks for your talk, you really remind me of John Candy”.  Well, I nearly punched him in the nose until I realized he was paying me a compliment.

Suddenly, I think I am “motivated”!

As sure as we are TwoFatFriends, there are two pair of man boobs in this blog.  Which reminds me of another joke, although not the man boob variety.

How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive?  Put a nipple on it.

I applaud your exercise regimen & your renewed commitment to fitness & our blog.   As you know my sedentary life style is not by choice.  My nagging Achilles injury lingers.  I am looking forward to the day when I can exercise more regularly.

Tomorrow is Thursday.  The highlight of the week for TwoFatFriends, lunch at Hooters.  Fried pickles here we come.

I hear you buddy.

John!

I saw your letter to MSN,  so I thought I would post it here for everyone to see.  Good news, you CAN  lose the man boobs!

‘Help! I Have Man Boobs and a Belly!’

How can I get six-pack abs and get rid of my chest flab?

By Martica Heaner, M.A., M.Ed., for MSN Health & Fitness
Martica

Q: I’m a guy who wants to lose weight and convert my fat into muscle. Is it possible to lose, or at least reduce, my “man boobs”? And which exercises are best for losing belly fat?

A: You can lose the man boobs and slim down your stomach with the right workout. In overweight people, both man boobs and big bellies are simply deposits of excess fat. (There is a hormonal condition called gynecomastia, in which males appear to have enlarged breasts, but it sounds as if what you’re dealing with is excess weight.) But to choose the most effective workout routine, you need to review the basics of Physiology 101.

Fat and muscle are two different kinds of body tissues. Because of that, you can’t convert one into another. Some people believe that if they are fit and stop exercising, their muscle will turn to fat. Not so. And likewise, exercise can’t convert fat into muscle—that would be like trying to transform a piece of cheese into a piece of meat.

What you can do is decrease the amount of fat and increase the amount of muscle that you have. This is a shift in the composition of your body tissues to a more desirable combination of more muscle and less fat (as opposed to more fat and less muscle, which occurs when you become a couch potato and overeat).

Flab-zapping fitness routines

Generally, weightlifting—also known as resistance training—builds muscle. You’ll need to follow a progressive training program, meaning that you work out harder as you become stronger. Chest exercises, especially, can help you build and firm up the man-boob area. Any upright strength moves from squats to a host of upper body exercises can help firm up your entire torso, known as your “core.”

But to drop weight and body fat—and downsize your belly—you need to do more cardio, because weight and fat loss is about burning more calories than you take in. Any movement, from lifting weights to doing yoga to sprinting full speed, burns calories. But generally, muscle-specific workouts like resistance training and yoga alone don’t tend to result in lots of inches lost because they do not burn a high number of calories. Cardio workouts are most effective to get your waist to whittle down because they tend to burn the most calories per minute. Cardio workouts include using cardio machines in the gym, walking, running or skating outside, and even dancing.

By the way, don’t waste your time doing lots of ab exercises like crunches to try to slim down your midsection. More cardio and smarter eating habits will have a bigger impact. And you can strengthen your core in a variety of ways, including making sure you maintain proper posture during all cardio and weight lifting moves.

John;  I rode the bike for 60 minutes last night, 16.5 miles, and 675 calories.  I celebrated by indulging in a fabulous meal with friends at a local country French restaurant.  I had the low-cal Napoleon for desert.

I read the following article which,  I believe supports, our “process” theory.  I have edited it for content, and to run in the space allowed, but I think it is worth reading if only to give you an idea of why I call it the zen of dieting.

Fitness, unlike when people go on a diet to lose weight, is a lifelong goal. So, you are not going to be looking for immediate and dramatic results, but rather long-term, life-changing benefits.

Step 1: Embrace small, subtle changes
Be more compassionate and gentle with yourself. If you are not insistent on immediate results, you can allow yourself to accept, and even embrace, small, subtle changes – rather than only being satisfied with dramatic, instantaneous shifts. Take it slow and easy, implement realistic and doable changes.

Take one or two things out of your diet each week, and add as little as 10 minutes of walking per day, three times a week, to your exercise routine.

Step 2: Make minor changes to your diet
Here’s how to set yourself up for success with dietary changes:

  • allow yourself to reduce sugar intake by cutting out candy, and reducing desserts to weekends only, rather than cutting out all sugar right away
  • reduce overall caloric intake by only eating what is on YOUR plate (no grazing from your children or spouse’s meal)
  • take out fried foods for a day and eliminate one trip a week to the fast food drive-through, a week at a time

Step 3: Do not allow yourself to fail
No berating, no condemning and no starting over. This is a program that will have its good days and bad. Accept that there will be times when you won’t live up to your own expectations, but remember, this is a long-term, life-changing, life-benefiting program, not a quick sprint. And in life, life happens, and sometimes it gets in the way of what you had planned. Have a sense of humor and rearrange your schedule when necessary, instead of giving up, accepting failure, pigging out and eliminating exercise for a week, and then promising to begin again on Monday.

Step 4: Visualize your success
Use your mind as much as you use your body by mentally projecting into your life exactly what it is you want. This is a very important piece of the puzzle, one that most people forget to use entirely. Picture yourself in your new body, and living in your new life. See yourself enjoying healthy meals, stopping when you have had enough to eat, and exercising regularly (with a smile on your face).

John; You gave the blog it’s title;  how, exactly do you plan to get fit oh sedentary one?  It is all well and good to toss off a few fried pickles, and skip the bun on your fish burger.  Fitness is measured by three criteria:  strength, endurance, and flexibility.   I am riding the stationary bike every night, building endurance, strength, and lean muscle which burns fat more efficiently.  You are sitting in front of the flat screen criticizing my spelling for Christ sakes?  Take a walk, lift some small weights, ride the bike.  Or are you one of those fat f–ks  who says do as I say, not as I do?

I am walking the walk and talking the talk, I am exercising every night and trying to watch what I eat.  I weighed in at 260 this afternoon, and that is after a business lunch!  At the risk of sounding redundant you need to get a life dude.   Your blog should not define you, it should reflect you, (although at your weight, it may take two blogs to reflect all of you).

I do hope you are taking care to not over stress you system, that sounds like a really restrictive diet you are on.  Although you seem to have made it overly complex with all those numbers you keep spouting.  It is not rocket science, eat less, exercise more, (or in your case some, or any) and you will be successful.

I just uploaded today’s graph.  As you know this graph depicts our progress per week & I always update it on Mondays.  Is anyone else concerned about Stan?  He is at 261 three weeks in a row.  On a positive note at least he is not gaining any weight.  Or is he?

Maybe Stan needs some encouragement from our loyal readers.  Your comments are always appreciated.  Just click on “No Comments (Edit)” & cheer Stan on.

Remember the movie, “Ghost Busters”?  In one scene the Busters are shooting their ray guns at some denizens of the netherworld but they are extremely careful not to cross their beams as an indeterminate result may result in a catastrophe.  As I continue my onslaught of fitness I am concerned my fat friend, Stan, is heading in the wrong direction.  What happens if our statistics cross?  Will there be a rift in the blogoshpere?  Will Stan go Gandhi on me in an effort to catch up?  Will Stan be buried in a piano crate?  These questions & more will be answered in the next episode of twofatfriends.

Stan, today is Monday.  Weigh in day here at twofatfriends.  Your public greatly anticipates your poundage.

I had to edit your post as you neglected to add a title of your own. Our readers demand each carefully worded post include a title.  Please be more careful in the future.  While I am admonishing you might want to learn how to spell lose.  Lose and loose are not synonymous.  Here is a link to help you with spelling (http://dictionary.reference.com).

Now back to the diet.  We agreed, this time we would do this in a healthy manner.  No more talk of 800 calorie days.  You know better.  Why don’t you try the 7-10-1-4-7 regimen?  It seems to be working for me.

Yesterday was a good day.  We had our “guilty pleasure” fried pickles at Hooters & a sensible lunch of Grouper with no bread.  Topped off last night with DNR returning to their winning ways with a 21 – 11 victory over the hapless EZ Rider.

John; how dare you edit my posts!  My last was not a rant by any means, just a very honest comment I saw somewhere, and thought that I would share with you, since I don’t think anyone else is bothering to read this drivel.

I have not dieted this week even a little bit.  I have exercised.  I have not been in the proper mental state to dig in and really restirict my calories.  Don’t let anyone kid you, that is what it actually takes to successfully diet and loose weight.  I have quit smoking cigarettes 3 times over the past 7 years.  After a month you are out of the danger zone with nicotine, but with food you are never really in the clear, since you can’t just stop eating.

Finding the happy balance is the real trick.   Eating enough calories to thrive while loosing weight.  The ideal is 1200 calories a day.  If you can exercise and eat only 1200 calories most days you can loose weight.  When I am really in the groove I can go for weeks on 800 calories per day  but that requires real mental toughness.  That is what I mean about being in the right mental state to take on a challenge like this.   Somehow I feel that the whole public humiliation thing is not a motivater for me, it just makes me feel worse.

Maybe you like waving your inadequacies for all the world to see John.  I do not.  I prefer being fat in private, and dieting in private.  You have to find the motivation from within my young Padawan.

Since we have not made much headway this month, posting new pictures seems pointless. Now, I could re-post last month’s pictures, but that would be cheating and we run an honest blog here. If you can’t remember what we look like or how fat we are, just look at the previously posted pics. We are pretty much the same. As you know this is a work in progress so we have decided to post our pictures every three months. Our hope is to let our readers see some visual improvement without bombarding you with images of fat guys.  Besides posting pictures quarterly is more humane to our loyal readers.

Has anyone seen Stan?  He did not weigh in yesterday.  I hope he is not passed out somewhere with a bag full of doughnuts & churros.

Well at least I didn’t gain any weight & to be honest I wasn’t exactly killing myself this week.  I had some dessert & fries.  All with no exercise.  So this week it is time to toughen up, no dessert, no fries, no bread & hopefully a little exercise.

Today’s healthy lunch.  A Boca burger (with a little cheese) on a single leaf of Romaine (as my bread substitute),  one dozen baby carrots & two dill pickles.  Boca burger – 120, cheese – 30, Romaine – 1, carrots – 30, pickles 10.    Keep your lunch calories under 200 & you will lose weight.  Remember, you heard it hear first.

Not so good to me.  I am afraid to get on the scale, but fear & humiliation are great motivators.  Unless your in politics, then greed & power are your motivators.   My leg is infected again, so no exercise.  I have been adhering to my 7-10-1-4-7 diet.  You will recall I am eating less, more often.  It seems to be less “painful” than just eating less.  Once I can exercise again I hope to see more significant weight loss.

Stan went a little off topic in his last post, don’t ya think?  Well at least it was a pithy observation of the human condition.

Stay tuned, weigh in results later today.

When a CHILD has an IMAGINARY friend. We call it CUTE. When a man/ADULT has an IMAGINARY friend. We call him PSYCHOTIC/PSYCHO. When a GROUP of ADULTS have an IMAGINARY friend and DEMAND that OTHERS ADOPT IT. We call it a RELGION.

John used to be my very reliable,  if somewhat immobile third baseman, on my Senior league Softball team, “Do Not Resuscitate”, John thought of the name.

We were in action again last night and:  We lost in a really bizarre game.  We had exactly 10 guys, Tommy has been in the hospital for pneumonia, so he is out indefinitely, Darrel is on the mend (bleeding ulcer) but has to take it slow, John Bush is not coming back, (detached bicep) for now at least.

In the top of the second inning, Berto playing  left field, lost a high fly ball in the lights and it came down and broke the tip of his right middle finger.  There was blood, it was awful, someone called 9-1-1, the ambulance and a fire truck came, mayhem ensued.

By the time we got our heads back in the game, with Rod now playing right for the injured Berto, they were up 9 runs.  We fought our way back, but in the open inning they ran the lead back up to 11 runs.   Then in the bottom of the inning Joe knocked into their first baseman and we had our first bench clearing, near brawl.  There was shouting and shoving.  They accused us of using illegal bats, and of being underage for the league.  (This in a senior league, where we should all be grateful we can even play).

Is it any wonder my hair is gray, and I eat too much?

I have rededicated myself to this diet, I certainly do not want to end up like John, ;-0

On Monday, March 2, I weighed in at 261.

John, your obsession with my weight is making me uncomfortable.  Maybe you should focus a bit more on your own disgusting situation and let me tend to mine.

I am blogging, I am publicly humiliated, and that seems to have been your goal.  Now put your interest where it belongs, which is improving your own situation.

I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes last night.  I would have gone 45 or more, but I am tending to my dear wife who is recovering from major surgery.  I had to stop prematurely, to make her/us dinner.  (4 ounces of steak, small baked potato, and green beans).  Then I had to do the dishes, and fold the laundry.  I also did two sets of bicep curls, and two set of triceps curls.  At lunch time yesterday, I hit the batting cages for 72 hacks at the softball.

I am still not doing enough to control my calories in, but I am feeling pretty good about  the calories out.

John; with your health issues you need to be very careful with your calories.  You should manage your consumption to loose no more than 2-4 pounds a month.  You are fighting an infection, and still healing from you ruptured Achilles tendon.  Not to mention your heart issues, you can not stress your system by drastically reducing your calories.

You, of all people, should go to your Primary Care physician and ask for a medically supervised weight loss program.

I have no further interest in proceeding with this exercise if you don’t do things the right way.

I will take no satisfaction in looking fabulous in my black suit if I am attending your memorial service.

Yeah, I take full responsibility, I gained a couple of pounds last week.  The difficult thing is to maintain all of your restrictions when you are traveling and under that additional stress load.  I know food is not love but when you are sitting in the Las Vegas airport, waiting for your connecting flight, and you are hungry, you eat.  So I did Burger King, always a mistake.  I hate Burger King, but the line at Subway was insane.  I paid $10 for a double cheese burger and onion rings and a bottled water.

I have previously foresaken all sodas, coffees and teas, not to mention chocolate, and alcohol.  I don’t enjoy gambling, and I don’t smoke.

In any case, the excuse is that there are no excuses.  I answer to my scale on Monday morning, and to John’s graphic depiction of the facts.  The good news is that the foundation has been laid, I am exercising every day for at least 30 minutes, and often much longer.  I am controlling to some extent my food intake.  At the very least  I am mindful of what I am consuming.

When you have 100 pounds to loose be the tortise, slow and steady will win the race, and the hare will end up dead.

Stan hasn’t posted in a week.  The speculation is he holed up somewhere gorging on donuts.  I can only hope.

As for me, I now weigh 276.5 for a modest loss of 2.5 lbs.  I am ok with this as I was not able to exercise this week due to my Achilles re-infection.  Also, Rowen’s 14th birthday party tested me with chips, dips, burgers, cake, etc.  Well she is only 14 once.

It is a lot easier putting it on than taking it off.  This week I will start eating 5 times per day.  7:00, 10:00, 1:00, 4:00 & 7:00.  Smaller portions spread out during the day so I can convince my body it is not starving.  When your body thinks it is starving your metabolism goes in the toilet.  Three pounds by Monday or bust.

What does this have to do with a diet?  This is how twofatfriends exercise.  Now softball isn’t a lot of exercise but at least it gets you out of the house (and away from the temptation of snacking).  Stan didn’t play, as he was traveling.  I didn’t play because I am still on the disabled list.  DNR remains unbeaten at 4-0 and looking to repeat last season’s championship season.

I know you are off to Denver today.  Tell me, do the pilots still ask you what side of the plane you are sitting on?

Looks like I have to suck it up this week.  Stan has gone Gandhi on me and jumped out to an early lead.  My only hope is his craving for donuts gets the better of him.  Go ahead Stan, have a couple (dozen).  You have a commanding lead.  Anybody know where I can get a good Vegamite sandwich?

Two parties this past week.  Well at least I did not have dessert.  Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday.  Rowen will be 14.  We went out to dinner tonight with her sister & Mom.  I did not have dessert & I was able to stop eating my entree of  “Grandma’s Fried Chicken Breast” after only one breast.  Reminded me of one of my favorite jokes.

Why is a woman’s breast like a martini?  One isn’t enough & 3 are too many.

I have been exercising daily but I am a little worried about the weigh in.  I don’t feel any lighter.  Could it be that fat is turning to muscle?  Nah………………  Well Stan looks to have the upper hand this week but it will only spur me on to greater resolve.

I managed 30 minutes, at a slight elevation and some tension.  It is a really good workout.  I am so pleased that I am able to start off at 30 minutes.  I had been working out nightly last summer, but in the fall sometime I stopped to concentrate on a little remodeling project I have going on.  That is always a mistake.

Once you are in the exercise and eating healthy groove you have to stay with it.  Thursday night is Softball night so the game is my exercise on Thursdays.  It was a magnificent victory for our team the mighty “Do Not Resuscitate”.

In mens over 50 softball you have to have a sense of humor  :-)

I cheated and weighed myself yesterday, and I am at 260, down 5 pounds from my disgusting starting point.

The first 20 pounds are always the easiest.

John used to be the fattest third baseman in the league until he tore his achillies tendon.  Now he is just the fattest scorekeeper in the league.  He does a really good job too!

I am going to use the bike tonight (stationary, it’s much safer).

Tomorrow I am going to take a nice long hike some 6 or 8 miles.

I want to be as lean as possible for the big Monday weigh – in.

But I am in denial.  I hate the freakin’ name of this blog.  Fat?…not me!  I am just big boned, or husky if you prefer.

I started exercising last night.  1/2 hour on the stationary bike, 250 calories, 8+ miles.  I feel pretty good today, I also hit the batting cage the past 2 days.  What a great place to pound out your frustrations!  I loved your suggestion John, I widened my stance and suddenly I had POWER!  I was even pulling the ball.

Sorry to digress from the business of two fat friends.  I blog what is on my mind.  I will exercise again tonight, probably Nordic Track.  It is such a great work-out but it does take a while to get accustomed to the exercise.  I will try to rotate between the bike the Nordic Track and jogging.

Jogging is a bit difficult right now, since I am in danger of knocking myself silly with all of the fat jiggling when I run.  Maybe I will just walk vigorously.  I am also going to mix in some lunges, some stretching, and some upper body weight work.  The three components of fitness are strength, flexibility, and endurance.  I plan on tracking my progress right here for all to see.

I hate the name of this blog!

279.8 lbs., I did not make my goal of 279 but it’s a start.  I might have made it but I made meatloaf on Sunday for our daughter & son in law.  This is no ordinary meatloaf at 500 calories a slice.  Next Monday 3 lbs. for sure.

Chances are, if your dog is fat, so are you.  Our dog, Butterfly, is fat.  I don’t think she is obese, but she is close.  Dog Owner’s Guide.

Here is our first Twofatfriend’s poll.

I am happy to report that as of this morning I am at 263 pounds. It is less than a 1% improvement but as the wise man says “The longest journey begins with a single step”

I have not begun any formal diet program, nor have I begun a structured exercise program, but I have watched what I ate, I have tried to get some exercise each day.

I am still caring for my invalid wife who had hip-replacement surgery on February 11. This keeps me hopping cleaning house, doing laundry, and plumping up her pillows. I know that sounds dirty, but believe me it isn’t.

As I sat in the recovery room with her Wednesday night, I thought about the reality show “The Bachelor”. If you really want to find out if you are dealing with true love as the authors say, then you really ought to try playing nurse to said loved one.

None of my other measurements have changed as yet, but I have a whole drawer full of jeans I can’t wait to pull on once I have lost a few (25) more pounds.

You have a significant opportunity to streak ahead of me in this diet business.  I am physically and emotionally wrung-out from the past 24 hours.  I responded as I have for many years, by indulging in some of my favorite fast-food.  The Carls Jr. “Loaded Breakfast Burrito” is a paean to the excess of our culture and I love it with a little OJ, and those little tater-tots.  I think it is probably a diet busting 1200 calories right there.

On the other hand my wife is in the hospital, in ICU, and I don’t want any of your humorous comments.

80 lbs. is like carrying around an average 11 year old boy on your back!  You can look it up at the CDC.  Stan’s other friend is a little heavier & older, about 13.  I don’t know about Stan but I am tired of carrying this fat kid around with me 24/7.  I have been faithful to my diet this week, but I have been slacking a bit on the exercise.  I am recovering from an Achilles injury that has kept me idle for 6 months.  It is painful to walk but I luckily I have a stationary bike with very low mileage.

My diet philosophy is a little different than Stan’s.  When Stan is dieting he can give Gandhi a run for his money.  For my journey from obese to merely overweight moderation is the key.  My goal is to lose 3 lbs. per week.  I plan to do this by eating 3 meals a day, cutting out bread, most snacks & ice cream.  If I do snack, it will be healthy.  I will eat more fish & chicken & limit red meat to once a week.  Coupled with exercising daily this should be a piece of cake fruit.

Well these are sobering statistics:

I am 5’10” tall in my stocking feet.

I have a 44″ waist

I have a 48 ” chest

As of this morning I weighed in at 265 pounds.

My ideal weight is 165 pounds, so only 100 to go!

To me nothing says fat slob like a guy in a “wife beater” t-shirt & shorts. We had toyed with the idea of going shirtless, but cooler heads prevailed & we have decided against such a pornographic display of unsightly flesh.  Monday morning stats: Height 6’3″, Weight 281 lbs., Chest 52″ Waist 48.5″.  Goal 199 lbs., only 82 pounds to go!

I have started the day off well.  FiberOne “51″ cereal with 1% milk.  But I gotta go, it is lunch time!

OK, granted I am fat & I am a slut (retired due to the aforementioned unsightly fat) but you my friend are the IGNORANT one.  Also, you have  very short memory (apropos of your somewhat diminutive stature).  Our original Diet Challenge was won by me!  You may recall, we went double or nothing when you squeaked by me in the first segment.  At the conclusion of the contest I was a svelte 207 lbs. distributed over my 6’3″ highly muscled frame.  What was your final, “Porky”?

Remember fans, tomorrow is the big day, weights & pictures will be posted.

John, you ignorant, fat, slut, I beat you last time, and I will be a lean, mean, clean, machine before you have pulled on your “comfortable” walking shoes.  The one and only reason I am 260 pounds is that I had to quit smoking again last year.  That requires every ounce of self control that I can muster, and has added 35 pounds of ugly fat to your otherwise strikingly disgusting frame.

Over the past 38 years I have lost hundreds of pounds, and I have developed PROVEN methods of eating, exercising, thinking, and even dining out, that allow me to enjoy a relatively normal life, while erasing the fat and building lean, healthy, muscle, as the infomercials say.  Since you are my friend, I will be more than happy to share these secrets with you, as we compete to improve the quality of our lives.

The first one is, “get off your fat ass, quite whining, and go take a  hike!”  You don’t need to join an expensive gym, or hire a personal trainer but you have to commit to changing your lazy, fat-ass ways!

Obviously, we are fat & we are friends. I am John. My fat friend is Stan. I wasn’t always fat, but now, according to my daughter’s Wii Fit, I am obese. Don’t take Nintendo’s word for it? Check out Obesity in America.  But hey, most of you people reading this drivel are in the same sinking boat! From our friends at OIA, read this & weep: “Approximately 127 million adults in the U.S. are overweight, 60 million are obese”.  With our current population of approximately 306 million that means 41.5% of  Americans are FAT & 19% are OBESE. I suspect a bunch of our fellow Americans are lying about there weight. This blog is to introduce the Public Humiliation Diet. My fat friend & I have used this before with fleeting success. Unfortunately like most diets, its’ effects were temporary. Coming soon, to this blog, pictures of TwoFatFriends. These will be the before pictures, trust me it will not be pretty. Even less attractive, we will include our vital statistics including: age, weight, measurements, maladies, hopes, fears, aspirations, etc. Periodically there will be new pictures. Most likely on a monthly basis. Any more frequently would just be cruel. Our stats will be posted weekly, beginning Monday 2/9/09.

Care to chime in Stan? Stan? OK, move away from the burrito & type something dammit!

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